7 Tips on Being a Better Dungeons & Dragons Player
It took me a long time to learn how to be a good player. I did not have a coach or other players to direct me what to do. Back in the stone ages when I began playing, there were no blogs or videos showing how to be a good player. Don’t sweat it. We have you covered.
Being a good Dungeons & Dragons player boils down to 7 principles; show up, know your character, lean into your flaws, observe board etiquette, don’t be a bully, focus on growth, and respect others. A few of these principles are mechanical, such as knowing your character, and some are more social such as being aware of board etiquette.
Put on your adventuring gear and let’s explore these ideas in detail!
Show Up
This sounds so mundane. I almost hate including it, but today’s culture contains something I personally have never experienced in my youth. Ghosting. And not the type of ghosting which requires your cleric to smite them with holy, radiant energy. Ghosting as in flat not showing up. Not providing any warning that you will be absent, and not having the decency to let people know you won’t be there. Thankfully I have a pretty rock-solid game group so I have never personally experienced this, but I read DM after DM complaining about this on forums and social media!
It’s mind-blowing to me. So I want to make this clear. Dungeon Masters put a lot of effort and energy into preparing games and trying to make them enjoyable for players. It’s heart-wrenching when players ghost them. I believe players have a responsibility to do the following: do not commit to playing in a campaign if you cannot make 90% of the sessions. Furthermore, if you do have to miss, let your Dungeon Master know as soon as you know. If you commit to being a part of a game, then commit to it!
Do not commit to playing in a campaign if you cannot make 90% of the sessions.
Know your Character
The game and story are better when players come up with interesting character concepts. Want to multi-class? Go for it! Want to use optional feats or sub-classes? Fine with me! But for Moradin’s sake, know your character! Know the rules, advantages, and disadvantages of your class. Have your spells prepared, and know what they do. Know if they are concentration spells. Have your spells earmarked in your Player’s Handbook, or better yet, have them on notecards. You have a responsibility to know your character, what she can and cannot do.
The Dungeon Master has enough to juggle, remember, and keep up with. They simply cannot keep up with what your sub-race of Tiefling can do as well, and at what level you gain this or that racial ability. That’s for you to know, and know well!
Lean Into Your Flaws
I love that Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition built flaws into the character creation. Strictly speaking, you can skip flaws but if you do, you’re missing an amazing opportunity! Flaws, not strengths, make a character interesting. You might have a tendency to believe your character is interesting because they’re intense, strong, unwavering, and never compromises. But that’s simply not the case.
Do you why Superman is weak to kryptonite? Because the writers literally had to invent a weakness for Superman. Because he was boring. Superman was always on time, always saved the train, always beat the bad guys. He became uninteresting because there were no real problems for Superman to solve. Enter kryptonite. Now Superman has a threat, and a real weakness. How can he save the train if he’s trapped in a room made of kryptonite? Now there’s real tension, stakes, and drama in play and it makes for a much more interesting story!
Flaws, not strengths, make a character interesting.
Don’t try to create a character without flaws. Accept those flaws, lean into them! That’s what is going to define your character, not how great she is at punching bad guys in the face.
Observe Board Etiquette
This one is easy enough. Before a campaign begins, the players and the Dungeon Master should come up with the house rules. And I don’t mean house rules like alternate rules for generating stats. I mean house rules like “no cell phones at the table.” Whatever your group comes up with, observe and respect those rules. And, of course, the Dungeon Master gets to make some rules by fiat. After all, she’s the DM. Running a game isn’t a democracy, it’s a theocracy. And the DM is Theo.
Don’t Be a Bully
I believe all Dungeons & Dragons players have, sadly, had a game experience where another player attempted to dominate the game, both socially and through combat. I have no problem if a player has a character who is brazen, disregards the rules, and causes problems. I do have a problem with players who do this. As I clearly mention in a separate blog post, the aim of roleplaying above all things should be ensuring everyone is having a good time. Players who are inconsiderate and egotistical ruin the fun of everyone else at the board, including the Dungeon Master. And if the DM ain’t happy, no one is happy.
I want to emphasize, playing characters who behave in such a way is fine. A lot of interesting stories come from bad decisions. What would make for a good story, and good experience is characters making lots of mistakes and learning from them. Growth and change make for the most compelling character arcs.
It is not fine, however, for a player to behave in such a way. A good key indicator if it’s a player problem and not just the character is if every character the player in question runs behaves the same way. There are things you can do to handle problem players at the board. However, if you have never experienced a situation where someone has tried to dominate the game you are in, then consider the possibility that you’re the one doing it. More importantly, take steps to ensure everyone is having a good time, and not just that you are not having a good time at everyone else’s expense.
Focus on Growth
This tip is an extension of “lean into your weaknesses.” The reason I advise leaning into your weaknesses is because weaknesses are great for storytelling. How does having weaknesses lead to good storytelling? Growth. Think about some amazing character story arcs.
Tony Stark, a very flawed, spoiled, privileged billionaire who did not care much about anything except a philandering, billionaire lifestyle. He grew into someone who sacrificed himself and a future with his wife and daughter in order to save humanity.
Bilbo Baggins. His flaw was laziness and a lack of ambition. He was compelled into action and shaped the course of history for all lives in Middle Earth.
Jaime Lannister. The King Slayer is perhaps one of the best redemption arcs in modern television. Jaime began the story as an arrogant villain who had no problem, even killing children, to keep secrets. He was brash, arrogant, and narcissistic. Jaime lost everything, including his own identity and self-worth. But in so doing found some empathy, self-worth, and even made sacrifices to serve others. It was a great arc (despite how awful Season 8 ended).
The point is none of these amazing stories can occur without growth, and growth cannot occur without flaws. Battle versus the Big Bad Evil Guy is great, and battle versus self is great. In my opinion the best stories combine both. Remember, role playing is collaborative storytelling. And you can help in telling a great story by focusing on your characters growth over time.
“Remember, role playing is collaborative storytelling. And you can help in telling a great story by focusing on your characters growth over time.”
Respect For Others
This may seem the same as “don’t be a bully,” but there’s a difference, and so I wanted to break it out. Respecting others means respecting everything. Their time, their boundaries, their right to be in the same space you are, etc. Roleplaying is an exercise in creativity and self-expression. One of my favorite things about roleplaying is the diversity of people that you meet. I have always enjoyed the wide array of people I get to encounter and interact with playing Dungeons & Dragons. And yet, I often hear stories about how people will feel unwelcomed or belittled in a roleplaying space. And have personally seen it.
As stated before, the primary goal of roleplaying is to have fun. So if your group wants to enjoy some wine or beer at your game night, then by all means do so. However, if alcohol becomes a detriment to having fun, then respect others and cut it out.
Ensure your hygiene is acceptable. Just because you cannot smell yourself does not mean others cannot. When you are going to be in a closed-in space with others in close proximity, take a shower! This is an extension of respecting others.
Work to include shy people. Introverts can be intimidated by boisterous outgoing personalities. If you have one of these outgoing personalities, purposefully work to include the introverts. Ask them for their ideas and inputs.
Almost all of these axioms can be governed and managed by recognizing you are not the main character. Not of the story and not of life. Others in the space around you have as much right to have fun as you do. I believe if you work to include others, and help them to have a good time as well then everyone benefits. The rising tide raises all boats.
